Couples Counselling: Can It Save Your Relationship or Is It a Waste of Time?

So you are having issues in your relationship. You love each other but it just feels a bit too much like hard work.

Well, newsflash, its meant to be hard work! Its nothing like the movies, sex certainly isn't, and whilst you may be absolutely perfect for each other and consider yourselves soul mates in lots of ways, it will still be hard work to keep it that way.

The important part to remember is that relationships are a evolving process and a journey; they should never stand still because life doesn't stand still. We are constantly changing and ageing and our needs and wants change over time. What you wanted at 20 years old can be so very different at 50. It doesn't have to mean that the relationship is over, it just needs to evolve with the times you are in.

If you're reading this then it maybe you are struggling in your relationship and you might be wondering; does couples counselling actually help?

Maybe you and your partner keep having the same arguments, or you feel like you're drifting apart. Therapy can feel like a big step, and it’s normal to question whether it’s worth it. It's costly and time consuming but if its worth fighting for, then its worth both those things.

Can Therapy Save a Relationship?

The short answer? Yes, for many couples, it can. Research suggests that 70-80% of couples who go to therapy see improvements in their relationship. That’s a pretty solid success rate! But, and this is a big but, therapy isn’t a magic fix.; whether you are seeking it as a couple or an individual.

The real question is, are both partners willing to put in the effort? Therapy is healing and transformative, if you want it to be, but you have to be willing to go through the pain to get there. I often say to my clients, we need to do the "surgery" cut it open, dig around a bit and then the healing can start.

What Makes Couples Therapy Work?

For therapy to be effective, certain factors play a huge role:

1. Are You Both Committed? Therapy works best when both partners genuinely want to improve their relationship.

2. Did You Wait Too Long? The earlier you seek help, the better the chances of success. Waiting until resentment has built up can make it harder.

3. Is Your Therapist a Good Fit? A skilled therapist can make all the difference. Finding someone whose approach resonates with both of you is key.

4. What Are Your Issues? Communication problems, trust issues, and emotional disconnection can often be repaired. However, cases involving abuse or ongoing infidelity may need different solutions beyond therapy.

When Counselling Might Not Work

Let’s be realistic, not every couple benefits from therapy. If one partner is checked out or unwilling to participate honestly, progress will be difficult. Likewise, if the core issues are deep incompatibilities, no amount of counselling can force a relationship to work. And if abuse is present, individual support may be the safer route.

The bottom line is that couples counselling isn’t a magic solution, but it can be a game-changer for those who are open to the process. If you and your partner are facing ongoing challenges, it might be worth exploring therapy as a way to reconnect and build a healthier, happier relationship. At the end of the day, it’s about finding what works best for both of you.

And remember you don't have to be in crisis to want things to be better.

Kate Haskell MNCPS (Acc)

Counsellor

Supporting couples and individuals in all aspects of mental health with a focus on fertility, parenting and maternal health.