Love on the couch: Is Couples Counselling actually worth it?

Image; woman sitting on a sofa shaped like a pair of lips looking downcast underneath the word "feelings"

As a counsellor, a friend and a wife I’ve heard it all: “He never listens,” “She doesn’t understand me,” and “We’re like roommates." Yes, even the “We fight about how we fight.” Couples counselling isn’t a magic spell. Like any counselling session there is no wand-waving (I often tell my clients that magic wands cost extra) but when it can be costly to go for counselling an important consideration is....is it worth it?

Spoiler: It’s Not Just for the Brink of Divorce

If I had a pound for every time someone walked into my counselling room and

said, “I wish I had done this sooner".... I would be writing this blog from Barbados rather than a drizzly Exeter city centre. That comment comes from both couples and individuals counselling.

There’s a myth, however, that couples counselling is some last-ditch effort before divorce and, yes, sometimes it can just be a useful tool to help end the marriage calmly and amicably avoiding massive legal bills later on. But it can also be a really good place to tune up those parts of the relationship that, at the moment, are difficult but could become disastrous if not addressed and talked about.

I always say to my clients that you don't have to be in crisis to want counselling. Why not prevent the crisis? We get our eyes checked, our teeth checked and spend a small fortune on vitamins and creams to keep our bodies strong. Why would you not get your mental wellbeing and your relationship checked?

What actually happens in a session?

Let’s demystify the room. You, your partner, and me (or another trained and qualified therapist) sit down. We unpack what’s really going on underneath the day-to-day bickering about dirty dishes and who's hogging the duvet.

Maybe it’s communication issues, mismatched expectations, past hurts, or just growing apart a little. Perhaps infidelity has happened and you are not ready to throw it all away but its so damn hard to forgive and forget.

The couch is where we unpack, explore, and rebuild. You have to do the surgery, open up that wound, dig around a little and then we can stitch it back together and you can start to heal.

 Image: A cloud in the shape of heart in rainbow colours

Is it worth It?

Here’s what couples counselling can offer, if both of you are willing to roll up your sleeves:

• Better Communication: You’ll learn to talk without yelling and listen without zoning out. Rather than just the classic "I'm fine" line let discover what you really feel.

  
  

• Emotional Clarity: Discover what’s really bothering you; not just “you didn’t text back.” Often its a build up of "stuff" and being able to share it calmly with a third person present feels safer.

  
  

• Conflict Skills: Learn to fight fair.Yes, fighting can be healthy. Who knew? But it's so important to not say something in the heat of the moment that you can't take back, however many times you say sorry. Language in arguments is important.

  
  

• Reconnection: You might just remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Is it for every couple?

Not always. If one person is totally checked out or not open to the process? A relationship takes two to make it work and two to make it fail.

It can be painful, but even then, therapy can help one partner gain clarity, set boundaries, or make decisions from a place of strength. And if both people are at least curious about improving the relationship? That’s enough to start.

If your relationship feels stuck, stale, strained, or even just a little “meh”,counselling can absolutely be worth it.

Think of it as personal training for your relationship. It’s work. It’s not always fun. But the results create deeper understanding, more intimacy, and maybe even some laughter again.

And hey, if nothing else, it’s 60 minutes where no one’s allowed to check their phone. That alone is kind of revolutionary.

So, is couples counselling worth it? In most cases, yes. But only if you’re both willing to show up, get honest, and do the work. The counselling couch is calling; are you ready to feel better and live better?

Kate Haskell MNCPS (Acc)

Counsellor

Supporting all aspects of mental health for couples and individuals with a focus on infertility, and early years parenting.