Couples Counselling: A Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship

As a counsellor, a friend, and a wife, I’ve heard it all: “He never listens,” “She doesn’t understand me,” and “We’re like roommates.” Yes, even the classic, “We fight about how we fight.” Couples counselling isn’t a magic spell. Like any counselling session, there is no wand-waving (I often tell my clients that magic wands cost extra). But when it can be costly to go for counselling, an important consideration is... is it worth it?

Spoiler: It’s Not Just for the Brink of Divorce

If I had a pound for every time someone walked into my counselling room and said, “I wish I had done this sooner,” I would be writing this blog from Barbados rather than a drizzly Exeter city centre. That comment comes from both couples and individuals in counselling.

There’s a myth that couples counselling is a last-ditch effort before divorce. Sometimes, it can actually help end the marriage calmly and amicably, avoiding massive legal bills later on. But it can also be a beneficial space to tune up the relationship. If left unaddressed, small issues could become disastrous.

I always tell my clients that you don’t have to be in crisis to seek counselling. Why wait for a crisis to happen? We regularly check our eyes, our teeth, and spend a fortune on vitamins and creams to stay healthy. So, why not check your mental wellbeing and your relationship?

What Actually Happens in a Session?

Let’s demystify the counselling room. You, your partner, and I (or another trained therapist) will sit down together. We’ll unpack what’s really going on underneath the daily bickering about dirty dishes and who's hogging the duvet.

Exploring the Underlying Issues

Maybe it’s communication issues, mismatched expectations, or past hurts. Perhaps you’re growing apart a little. Infidelity can complicate things, and forgiving can be incredibly tough.

In that couch, we unpack, explore, and rebuild. You need to do the surgery. Open up those wounds, dig around, and then we can stitch it back together. That’s how you start to heal.

Image: A cloud in the shape of heart in rainbow colours

Is It Worth It?

Here's what couples counselling can offer if both of you roll up your sleeves:

Better Communication

You’ll learn to talk without yelling and listen without zoning out. Instead of just saying, “I’m fine,” we will discover what you really feel.

Emotional Clarity

You will uncover what’s really bothering you—not just, “You didn’t text back.” It often builds up over time. Being able to share it in a safe space with a trained professional feels comforting.

Conflict Skills

Learn to fight fair. Yes, fighting can be healthy! It's vital not to say something in the heat of the moment that you can't take back, no matter how many times you apologize. The language used during arguments is crucial.

Reconnection

In counselling, you might just remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Is It for Every Couple?

Not always. If one partner is entirely checked out or not open to the process, counselling may not work. A relationship requires two people to make it work and two to make it fail.

Even in such cases, therapy can help one partner gain clarity, set boundaries, or make decisions from a place of strength. If both people are at least curious about improving the relationship, that curiosity is enough to start.

Overcoming the Stigma

It’s essential to challenge the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Seeking counselling is a sign of strength and commitment.

Moving Forward

If your relationship feels stuck, stale, strained, or even just a bit “meh,” counselling can be immensely beneficial. Think of it as personal training for your relationship. It requires effort. It’s not always fun. However, the results lead to a deeper understanding, increased intimacy, and perhaps even some laughter once again.

And hey, if nothing else, it guarantees 60 minutes where no one is allowed to check their phone. That, alone, is revolutionary.

So, is couples counselling worth it? In most cases, yes. But only if you're both willing to show up, get honest, and put in the work. The counselling couch is calling; are you ready to feel better and live better?

Kate Haskell MNCPS (Acc)

Counsellor

Supporting all aspects of mental health for couples and individuals, with a focus on infertility and early years parenting.

Therapy rooms in Exeter or online