The first year of parenthood is a blend of profound joy, deep exhaustion, overwhelming love, and unexpected challenges.
From the moment you announce your pregnancy there are so many tips, words of wisdom and horror stories thrust upon you. However, there are aspects of parenthood that can only truly be understood once you’re in the thick of it.
Whether you’re expecting your first child or reliving the early days with a new baby, here’s what many of my clients say they wish they had known about the first year of parenthood.
1. Sleep Will Never Be the Same (and that’s OK)
It's the one thing everyone talks about and there are endless books about, sleep... or lack of it... with a new baby. Everyone is aware that babies don't sleep through the night right away, but nothing can really prepare you for the exhaustion of night feeds, constant wake-ups, and the inability to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. Also the fact that this isn't just a speciality for newborns; disturbed sleep can go on for years long after you have tried to go back to work and start to live a "normal" life again.
The first few months are really hard when it comes to sleep. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re feeling drained. Whether it’s taking shifts with your partner, asking family to step in, or even hiring a night nurse if possible, it’s ok to prioritise sleep. Most importantly, sleep when your baby sleeps; that advice is golden, even if it feels like a luxury.
The main takeaway though is don't listen to other parents who boast about their baby "sleeping through". Every child is different but also probe a little deeper and what is one parents idea of sleeping though can be very different to yours! Some parents think sleeping from midnight to 4am is "sleeping through"!
2. You Will Lose Yourself (but you will find yourself again)
Parenthood often comes with an identity shift. You’re no longer just you; you’re now a parent, a caretaker, and a whole new version of yourself. Early on, it can feel like you’ve disappeared, especially when all of your focus goes to the baby. It’s easy to feel like you’ve lost the sense of who you were before. Your partner may start to treat you differently, like a mum rather than the woman you are and that can feel hurtful and rejecting. For fathers that overwhelming feeling of having to be the provider along with feeling left out of some of the bonding moments can be upsetting and scary.
It’s normal to grieve the version of yourself that existed before the baby. The early months are chaotic and demanding, and sometimes you’ll feel like you don’t have time to breathe, let alone do something just for you. But over time, you’ll find a balance. Your sense of self will evolve, and the person you are now will be just as fulfilling. It’s ok to not be everything all at once; give yourself permission to take things slow and rebuild your sense of self at your own pace.
Take time to remember who each other was before the baby, you are still the same, just with added responsibilities. If you are lucky enough to have grandparents or someone you trust to have your baby overnight then do so as soon as you feel ready. Take time to remember yourselves as a couple.
3. You’ll Experience Intense Guilt (and it’s OK)
The first year of parenthood is a guilt trip in so many ways; actually make that the whole of parenthood! Whether it’s worrying about sleep schedules, feeding choices, or how much time you’re spending with your baby, it can feel like you’re constantly wondering if you’re doing it right. Guilt comes with the territory of being a loving parent, but it can be overwhelming.
The guilt doesn’t go away overnight, but you can manage it by focusing on what you are doing right. Without wanting to overwhelm you that guilt stays with you as they become teenagers and young adults. The constant feeling of getting it wrong never really goes away but that's what makes you a great, mindful parent.
Remind yourself that perfect doesn’t exist in parenting. Hey, it doesn't even exist in life! Every choice you make is coming from a place of love. It’s ok to lean into your instincts and trust yourself. There’s no single “right” way to be a parent; there’s only your way, which is the best way for your child.
4. Breastfeeding Doesn’t Always Go as Planned (and that’s OK too)
There is an assumption that breastfeeding will be easy and natural. That's the way we have fed babies since time began right? You'll hear about the bonding experience, the health benefits, and the convenience, but many are unprepared for the challenges : nipple pain, latch issues, supply struggles, and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with trying to make breastfeeding work.
What is often not talked about is stopping breastfeeding. Some mums find that after going through the struggle of getting breastfeeding to work for them that when it comes to stopping it, that feels just as hard. Losing that special connection with your baby can bring about a sense of loss, even while recognising its helpful as others can share in the feeding, it's important to honour the loss.
Breastfeeding doesn’t always come naturally to both mum and baby. If it doesn’t work out the way you hoped, don’t feel defeated. Fed is best. Whether that means formula feeding, exclusive pumping, or switching between bottle and breast, it’s your journey, and your baby will thrive on whatever feeding routine works for your family. Seek help from your health visitor or midwife if you’re struggling, and be kind to yourself; you're doing great.
5. Your Baby Will Change Every Week
The first year of life is a constant evolution for your baby. They change so quickly, sometimes overnight, and it’s impossible to predict what each new phase will bring. The milestones come fast and furious, and so do the new challenges.
Embrace the changes. The endless cycle of "what to expect next" can be exhausting, but it’s also a beautiful ride. Your baby will constantly surprise you with new skills, quirks, and preferences. Some days, your baby might seem more fussy, and other days they might be all smiles. Try not to fall into the comparison trap; where other babies are doing more than yours. Baby groups can be the worst for this as competitive parents proudly share their little cherubs latest achievements. Each baby is different, and the best thing you can do is be present for their unique journey. If you are worried that your baby isn't reaching its milestones then talk to your health provider.
6. You Don’t Have to Do It All (and you shouldn’t)
There’s a lot of pressure to be the “perfect” parent, but the truth is, no one can do it all. Whether it’s trying to maintain a spotless house, balancing a full-time job, or keeping up with a social life; you don’t have to do it all.
Ask for help. Let your partner take on more, reach out to family and friends, and don’t be afraid to delegate tasks. It’s ok if things are a little messy. And that’s totally fine. Focus on what really matters; spending quality time with your baby, maintaining your mental health, and nourishing your relationships. The rest can wait.
7. Postpartum Mental Health Is Real (and needs attention)
Nothing can prepare you for the emotional ups and downs of the first year. While the joy of having a baby is undeniable, the exhaustion, anxiety, and hormone shifts can take a toll. Postpartum depression, anxiety, or just the overwhelming sense of being “off” are real experiences.
Don’t ignore your mental health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, anxious, or disconnected from your baby, reach out for help. Talk to your doctor, a therapist, or a trusted friend or family member. Parenthood is a huge transition, and it’s ok to not feel ok. Your mental health matters as much as your baby’s health. Take care of yourself so you can be the best parent possible.
8. It Gets Easier (but in new ways)
The first year can feel like a never-ending series of challenges, from late-night feedings to sleep regression to the struggles of keeping up with your baby’s growing needs. But as you find your rhythm some of the intensity will start to ease up.
While the first year is often the hardest, it’s also the most rewarding. As your baby starts to hit milestones, communicate more, and develop their own personality, you’ll find that new joys replace the struggles. Parenthood never truly becomes "easy," but with time, you learn to adapt. The tough moments pass, and the beautiful ones remain.
Final Thoughts
The first year of parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster that no one tells you about. One minute you love your baby so much you can't imagine life without them. The next you could cheerfully chuck them through the nearest window. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent or doing a bad job, it means you are human.
The first year is also a time of extraordinary growth for both you and your baby. It’s okay to be imperfect, to ask for help, and to embrace the chaos with an open heart. No one has all the answers, but with patience, self-compassion, and a lot of love, you’ll make it through the first year, and, you’ll be better for it.
Take it one day at a time, cherish the small moments, and remember: you’re doing an amazing job.
Kate Haskell MNCPS(Acc)
Kate is a qualified counsellor specialising in infertility & loss, maternal mental health and parenting.
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